The Archdeacon Returns - Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine: The Fringe Candidates

Every great political contest has its so-called “fringe candidates.”  In secular elections, let’s say in a mayoral contest, we may encounter the eccentric local character with an idiosyncratic platform who runs for mayor every time, but never garners much by way of support. Everyone knows him, and with the exception of a few faithful followers or those disgruntled with the establishment, he invariably receives very few votes.  Or, there is the one who gets their name placed on the ballot, but never campaigns, never makes an appearance, and no one seems to know who they are.  We are left to wonder why they even ran in the first place and we are shocked when we learn that at least a dozen people voted for them.  Then there are the well-known narcissists who crave after high office, but whose reputation precedes them.  They truly believe they have what it takes, but they are the only ones; everyone else is wise to them.  Some fringe candidates are delightful. I once knew a subway busker who ran for mayor in every municipal election. Although he seemed to take it all quite seriously, I suspect it was just part of his  charming shtick - the more people that stopped to talk to him about this campaign, the more quarters he found in his guitar case at the end of the day.

 

These are but of a few of the types we encounter in a local election.  I would like to say that the Church is different, but alas, the Church has its characters, too.  In every episcopal election, you will meet the fringe candidates.  They don’t really stand much of a chance, and yet, they hold out hope that the Holy Spirit might just be calling them to wear the mitre.  This episcopal election was no different than any other.  Let me introduce you to the fringe candidates populating the ballot of this election.

First there was the Rev. Robert Ready.  Fr. Ready had been on every episcopal ballot in the country over the last dozen-and-a-half years.  His name had been put forward as suffragan bishop in several elections and as diocesan on not a few others. Now, there was absolutely nothing wrong with Fr. Ready.  He was a good priest, or at least a half-decent priest. He was somewhat affable, if not slightly awkward.  He was relatively well-liked but did not have that ineffable charism of a leader.  He did have a measure of administrative competency and was well-enough respected to have sat on several mid-level National Church committees and commissions. Yet, it was said of him that he would never “set the world on fire.” He had let his name stand for bishop so many times that it had become a bit embarrassing and a bit of a running joke amongst the clergy, who referred to him as the “Susan Lucci of episcopal candidates”.  

Next there was Canon Marta Martyrion. In my own estimation she was insufferable. Canon Martyrion must have been the most hard-done-by cleric in Christendom. If there was a wrong that could be done, it had been done to her. She was the perennial victim.  And when she was not fighting her own battles, she positioned herself as the pious advocate of the marginalized and downtrodden, although the marginalized and downtrodden really were only a means to an end for her. In giving voice to the voiceless, she made her own voice loudly heard in the halls of power, much to the frustration of the diocesan brass. She had brought several lawsuits against the diocese, a couple on behalf of others (as a matter of justice) and a few on her own behalf (also as a matter of justice).  These, of course, went nowhere.  In a moment of uncharacteristic weakness, the late Bishop had made her a Canon, in hopes of placating her and getting her to calm down.  Of course, this gesture back-fired and only emboldened her. 

There was the saintly Fr. Albert Ascetus. If there was ever a holier priest in the diocese, I have not met her or him.  Fr. Ascetus was quiet, prayerful man who had probably missed his vocation. He ought to have been a monk.  He came to holy orders a bit later in life after many years working in social services.  The things of this world were of little matter to him.  It was said by one of his former churchwardens that his mind was “so set on things eternal that he lost sight of things temporal”.  He was indeed a holy man, a pious man, and a true Christian gentleman.  He was decent to the core, shy, and pastorally loving. He was not material for a Bishop. Some well-meaning sisters at the convent, where he often officiated at the Eucharist, had nominated him. He accepted the nomination out of respect for the sisters, knowing full well that he would never be elected.  

Finally, there was the Rev. Patricia Suasion.  She longed for the office of bishop with an unparalleled thirst and desire, and she truly believed she was called to it. She had no sense of how she manipulated those around her to affirm her call and how she concocted “signs” that pointed her in an episcopal direction.  She had a certain lack of self-awareness and a certain self-deception that left her vulnerable to the meanderings of her own mind. She always managed to find her way into the spotlight of any important event and out of the way of any difficult piece of work. She had managed to convince two young clerics that they believed that she was called to be a bishop and that  she should be placed on the ballot. Having fallen under her spell, they dutifully and earnestly went about soliciting nominations and they believed there was no one better suited for the office than her. 

These were the fringe candidates.  Each one of them was well known and not too many experience electors would be fooled into voting for them.  How did they each reach the required number of ten nominators?  It is not an easy thing to say “no” to a friend or colleague asking you to nominate another colleague.  We may not think that a given individual has the “gifts” but we may commit to being a nominator for a fringe candidate and stay with them until after the first ballot. When it becomes clear that they will not gain any traction, we abandon them for our preferred candidate.  No harm done - except to the frail ego of the fringe candidate. 

These candidates were not bad people (save for one, perhaps) and indeed there were a couple of very good people amongst them, but none were destined to wear the mitre. I introduce them to you to fill out the field in which the Rev. Rebecca Hope and our friend the Archdeacon were waging their war.  Amongst the fringe there was not even a decent compromise candidate and thus it really was a battle between two giants, two polar opposites, two competing visions for the future of the Diocese.

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