Reflections of a Canadian Churchman

Chapter Fourteen: Judy Jumblejump Goes to War When word reached Judy, as it always did, that Maddie was planning to oust her as the Rector’s Warden of Hampton’s Corners at the upcoming vestry meeting, Judy immediately went into battle mode.   When she learned that Maddie was going to replace her with Reg Canon, presently the People’s Warden, she embarked on a course of what she did best - intimidation.   It began with a visit to Reg’s home where she pounded on the door, Reg answered, and she just stood there, hands on her hips, staring him down.   Sometimes when aggravated Judy would come out swinging right away, but with Reg, she usually chose a different method of intimidation that was tried and true.   She would instil some initial fear through silence and a death stare.   Usually, Reg would cave right away because he couldn’t stand the yelling, the finger-wagging, and the hand-waving.   He was afraid of her and he was so used to seeing her fury unleashe...

Chapter Thirteen: Burn the Heretic "I don't think they will charge you with being a heretic, Bishop," said Wilma Trehewey, QC, as she dropped the letter on his desk.   The Diocesan Chancellor, the senior legal officer of the Diocese, was perhaps Bishop Perkins' only true ally and confidant. She made sure she steered clear of any "office politics" at the Diocesan Centre, as her role was voluntary and she was otherwise preoccupied with her partnership in a large city law firm. An extremely competent and judicious individual, the Chancellor commented only on matters within her purview of expertise and oversight. Yet, she was a trustworthy ear for the Bishop, a good listener, and exemplary encourager. The issue on this day, however, was well within her wheel-house.   The Bishop had been visited by a delegation of clerics and lay people who had presented him with a letter strenuously objecting to any implementation of the Synod vote to authorize same-sex marriage...

 Chapter Twelve: One Year Later A year went by and I am happy to report that the Bishop was successful in scuttling Archdeacon Robbie and Canon Sharpe's plan to sell and close St. Brigid's.  However, he was not successful in securing extra funding for the ministry of the parish and they continued to accrue a substantial debt to the diocese in the form of assessment and payroll arrears.  Canon Sharpe reminded him of this problem on a weekly basis and pressed him for a solution.  The Bishop kept kicking the problem down the road hoping that the Holy Spirit will reveal some serendipitous resolution in due course.  The good news, however  - at least to everyone's knowledge - is that Percy refrained from baptizing any more dogs.  A scurrilous rumour circulated that he was now giving dogs Holy Communion, although this was almost surely the murmuring gossip of priestly colleagues having a joke at his expense. Even so, for the life of me I cannot understand wh...

 Chapter Eleven: The Bishop Returns to Hampton's Corners "Here's the cheque, Bishop."  Maddie handed Bishop Perkins a cheque for the parish arrears that Judy Jumblejump had held back as an act of defiance in an attempt to negotiate a better parish assessment rate from the Diocese. "Well, well. I am impressed, Maddie."  The Bishop had arrived earlier than necessary that Sunday morning for his parish visit as he wanted a few minutes alone with Maddie before his old flock started showing up. "How on earth did you get her to sign that?" "Oh, she didn't," Maddie said, "She still refused, but she didn't stand in the way of Reg or the deputy warden signing it. I just told her that I was advising you that a Bishop's Commission should be appointed to investigate the matter, and that since we were not 'able' to pay the bill, that you would likely dismiss the wardens and place the church under diocesan administration....

Chapter Ten: Eavesdropping Canon Suzanne Sharpe stood at the door of Archdeacon Robbie Ready’s office.   Before she spoke, she gave him that stare for which she was known throughout the Diocese.   It was a stare that made even the most seasoned, battle-worn, experienced cleric shake a little in their boots, but Robbie just smiled. Robbie was not like other priests.   He was not afraid of her. I’m not sure Robbie was afraid of anyone.   Robbie was a political mover and shaker.   He had a certain charm and he could be cool as a cucumber under pressure. So, when Canon Sharpe gave him that stare, he simply smiled back and said, “So, you look like you’re having a wonderful day.” “What are you going to do about him…” she demanded, her arms folded, referring of course to the Bishop. “I’ll handle him,” Robbie responded. “He’s the sort of fellow you have to humour. You have to let him believe he’s in charge.   It’s important to let him have his say, take the hig...

  Chapter Nine: "Young" Tony "Young" Tony and Archdeacon Fulman were old friends.  Their friendship began back in the days when "Young" Tony might legitimately have been considered young, at least by the standards of the world.  The moniker stuck because now, even in his early forties, he was still young by church standards.  But back when he was  young we was given that name when he was a bookseller at the Diocesan Book Room, to distinguish him from "Old" Tony, an ancient Book Room clerk who had worked there for nearly fifty years.  "Young" Tony had trained as an archivist but had been unable to find a position in his chosen profession.  Fortunately, the Venerable Dr. Major, the manager of the Book Room and taken pity upon him and hired him as a clerk, a position in which he remained for fifteen years until the late Bishop Temperance Verity closed the Book Room in one of her cost-cutting rampages.  Yet, "Young" Tony was seen ...

Chapter Eight: Percy Poorechap Having heard much about him, it is now time for us to meet the Rev. Percy Poorechap in the flesh.  In his former days, back in the 1970s and 80s, he was a belligerent young activist, a stick-it-to-the-man kind of guy. As a priest he had an uneasy kind of relationship with the church.  He had been arrested at more protests than anyone could remember. He was fond of chaining himself to signposts or lamp-posts in protest of one sort of injustice or another.  He was regularly thrown out of the legislature with members of the homeless community when they would show up to protest the most recent attacks on affordable housing, panhandling, or "tent cities".  During the 1990s, before gay marriage was legalized, he officiated at one of the first Anglican gay marriages, getting around the requirement to obtain a licence by using the traditional "publication of the banns."  To some, he was a hero. To his ecclesiastical masters, he was a peren...