Reflections of a Canadian Churchman

 Chapter Twelve: One Year Later A year went by and I am happy to report that the Bishop was successful in scuttling Archdeacon Robbie and Canon Sharpe's plan to sell and close St. Brigid's.  However, he was not successful in securing extra funding for the ministry of the parish and they continued to accrue a substantial debt to the diocese in the form of assessment and payroll arrears.  Canon Sharpe reminded him of this problem on a weekly basis and pressed him for a solution.  The Bishop kept kicking the problem down the road hoping that the Holy Spirit will reveal some serendipitous resolution in due course.  The good news, however  - at least to everyone's knowledge - is that Percy refrained from baptizing any more dogs.  A scurrilous rumour circulated that he was now giving dogs Holy Communion, although this was almost surely the murmuring gossip of priestly colleagues having a joke at his expense. Even so, for the life of me I cannot understand wh...

 Chapter Eleven: The Bishop Returns to Hampton's Corners "Here's the cheque, Bishop."  Maddie handed Bishop Perkins a cheque for the parish arrears that Judy Jumblejump had held back as an act of defiance in an attempt to negotiate a better parish assessment rate from the Diocese. "Well, well. I am impressed, Maddie."  The Bishop had arrived earlier than necessary that Sunday morning for his parish visit as he wanted a few minutes alone with Maddie before his old flock started showing up. "How on earth did you get her to sign that?" "Oh, she didn't," Maddie said, "She still refused, but she didn't stand in the way of Reg or the deputy warden signing it. I just told her that I was advising you that a Bishop's Commission should be appointed to investigate the matter, and that since we were not 'able' to pay the bill, that you would likely dismiss the wardens and place the church under diocesan administration....

Chapter Ten: Eavesdropping Canon Suzanne Sharpe stood at the door of Archdeacon Robbie Ready’s office.   Before she spoke, she gave him that stare for which she was known throughout the Diocese.   It was a stare that made even the most seasoned, battle-worn, experienced cleric shake a little in their boots, but Robbie just smiled. Robbie was not like other priests.   He was not afraid of her. I’m not sure Robbie was afraid of anyone.   Robbie was a political mover and shaker.   He had a certain charm and he could be cool as a cucumber under pressure. So, when Canon Sharpe gave him that stare, he simply smiled back and said, “So, you look like you’re having a wonderful day.” “What are you going to do about him…” she demanded, her arms folded, referring of course to the Bishop. “I’ll handle him,” Robbie responded. “He’s the sort of fellow you have to humour. You have to let him believe he’s in charge.   It’s important to let him have his say, take the hig...

  Chapter Nine: "Young" Tony "Young" Tony and Archdeacon Fulman were old friends.  Their friendship began back in the days when "Young" Tony might legitimately have been considered young, at least by the standards of the world.  The moniker stuck because now, even in his early forties, he was still young by church standards.  But back when he was  young we was given that name when he was a bookseller at the Diocesan Book Room, to distinguish him from "Old" Tony, an ancient Book Room clerk who had worked there for nearly fifty years.  "Young" Tony had trained as an archivist but had been unable to find a position in his chosen profession.  Fortunately, the Venerable Dr. Major, the manager of the Book Room and taken pity upon him and hired him as a clerk, a position in which he remained for fifteen years until the late Bishop Temperance Verity closed the Book Room in one of her cost-cutting rampages.  Yet, "Young" Tony was seen ...

Chapter Eight: Percy Poorechap Having heard much about him, it is now time for us to meet the Rev. Percy Poorechap in the flesh.  In his former days, back in the 1970s and 80s, he was a belligerent young activist, a stick-it-to-the-man kind of guy. As a priest he had an uneasy kind of relationship with the church.  He had been arrested at more protests than anyone could remember. He was fond of chaining himself to signposts or lamp-posts in protest of one sort of injustice or another.  He was regularly thrown out of the legislature with members of the homeless community when they would show up to protest the most recent attacks on affordable housing, panhandling, or "tent cities".  During the 1990s, before gay marriage was legalized, he officiated at one of the first Anglican gay marriages, getting around the requirement to obtain a licence by using the traditional "publication of the banns."  To some, he was a hero. To his ecclesiastical masters, he was a peren...

  Chapter Seven: A Letter Arrives at  Hampton's Corners "Judy, I would like to know why I have received this letter from Canon Sharpe telling me that we are in arrears to the Diocese with our assessment and that the diocesan treasurer and his team will be paying us a visit." "Because we haven't paid it in three months," Judy replied smugly, "But don't worry, we have sent them the portion that includes your stipend and compensation, just not the assessment." "What?" asked Maddie, incredulously. "Our assessment has gone up steadily over three years, and Reg and I have decided not to pay it until the diocese reassess our monthly amount and offers us a better rate." Maddie looked over at Reg Canon, her other church warden, a by-the-book sort of fellow who certainly would not have agreed to any such thing unless he had been bullied into it by Judy.  His eyes, however, were fixed firmly on the toes of his shoes.  "Is...

Chapter Six: Getting Ready for a Parish Visit Bishop Perkins sat in his parked car in a lot just west of St. Brigid's.   Under a year ago, he was making his first parish visit. He thought about how much had changed since then. That first visit was to a tiny parish on the outskirts of the diocese, a parish to which his predecessor had regularly threatened to send clergy who misbehaved.   In truth, it was a lovely, delightful little place, that reminded him a good deal of his beloved Hampton's Corners.   It had been Mary who had suggested it as his first visit.   “The last shall be first,” she had said to him, smiling, and she was right about it. He loved little places, and they loved him. Although scattered geographically around the periphery of the Diocese, they were its heart and soul.      Now he sat a year later in a downtown parking lot a block away from the inner city parish of St. Brigid's. It had once been a grand place. The church, itself, was...

Chapter Five:   Maddie and Tony They were sitting on a park bench in the garden outside the cathedral as Maddie furiously related the story of Judy's ferocious anger at Maddie not inviting the Bishop to preside at Lillian's funeral.   Maddie was animated as she explained to the whole affair to “Young” Tony.   If Maddie's rage and frustration were any indication, Tony figured that Judy had done a number on her. “Honestly, Tony, how am I supposed to fill his shoes? What was he thinking, appointing me to his old parish? Do you know he told her that he would never leave Hampton's Corners?” “Told who?” “Lillian. And she repeated that to everyone! And when he left, she was broken-hearted…they were all broken-hearted.   They loved him, Tony. He was the perfect frigging priest.” Of course, Mr. Perkins wasn't the “perfect frigging priest”, as those of us who have followed his course at Hampton's Corners over the years know all too well.   His relationship with th...